The Art Of Waiting
Uncertainty and waiting aren't a good mix. What's a worse mix? Covid-19, a lockdown and waiting.
Hey you,
I'm sorry for not writing to you last week. Since January, I've sort of settled into a routine of not writing on the last Thursday of the month. Just so I take a break and can get some rest. It’s poor of me not to have said anything; I hope all is forgiven. I also hope you're keeping well at a time like this.
Fun fact: if you google the word “waiting”, you’ll find one kind of image in 60% of the square boxes: someone sitting, most likely facing a river (their back towards you) or holding their chin, looking out into the distance. The image is most likely dark (as in black and white) or taken in the sunset. Sometimes, it’s of someone starring out their window. The image ‘waiting’ almost always means gloom, precious moments of torture and restlessness, etc. Waiting is a romantic thing, until you actually have to wait.
Like me, you’ve probably been thinking what it means to be alive at a time like this. It's the kind of thing you read about in books or watch in movies. It’s like the ‘end of the world’ — it's a lot uncertainty, fear and panic. Uncertain because we don't know how long this will last for. Uncertain because we cannot yet say for certain how much our lives and manner of living will change. Uncertain because this isn't what we had in mind when we sent chirpy ‘Happy New Year’ texts and pictured the first half of 2020 — now, birthdays, weddings, graduations have been postponed. So, in the meantime, we wait.
Waiting in the face of uncertainty can feel like floating. It's like a balloon in water. It'll go in different directions. I've always hated waiting because I'm not very patient. It's for the same reason I google spoilers and beg people to tell me what happens next in a book or film because I cannot stand the torture of just not knowing. Which is why this is one of the most powerful things I read this past week: The Art of Waiting: Reclaiming the Pleasures of Durational Being in an Instant Culture of Ceaseless Doing
A few quotes that I found interesting:
“Waiting isn’t a hurdle keeping us from intimacy and from living our lives to our fullest. Instead, waiting is essential to how we connect as humans through the messages we send. Waiting shapes our social lives in many ways, and waiting is something that can benefit us.”
“Waiting, as represented by silences, gaps, and distance, allows us the capacity to imagine that which does not yet exist and, ultimately, innovate into those new worlds as our knowledge expands.”
At a time like this, how should you wait?
It sounds cliché but now's the best time to catch up on a lot of sleep. Removing commute from the equation means you may be more productive — if you're on lockdown. But it's counteractive if you're not getting enough rest. Sleep.
I also wait by reading the things I can read right now. It’s still hard (forget all the motivational speak that tell you to take this course or write that book). The point is trying.
Which begs the question:
What do you read during a pandemic?
Practically all the newsletters I’m subscribed to are bringing me updates on the pandemic. From The Atlantic, to OZY to the Skimm. It’s crazy, even if it’s often from different perspectives. So, I did a lot of my reading on Pocket.
It's very interesting to watch or read how words evolved. That's why I enjoyed reading this on the evolution of the word Stan. Another one here on a brief history of loneliness. Pandemic-related but still breathtaking: On the Front Lines of a Pandemic, ‘I Love You’ Can Mean ‘Goodbye’. Essential Modern Love listen on how book lovers flirt. Tempted to insert the black moon face emoji here. This week, I was upset to hear that someone whose music I enjoyed was a rapist or had been accused of being one. Still upset. I found solace in listening to Somi and then rereading Birdsong by Chimamanda. You should also read this about how leaders in Guinea and Togo are trying to extend their rule. The world is shit right now, so click this if you want some momentary relaxation from that anxiety. Seriously, click this link and the send it to someone you love.
I'm watching a lot of fun things — well mostly Friends and Jane The Virgin. I saw Miracle On Cell 7 and cried a whole lot. Attempting to read books - still on Nairobi Heat. I’m writing but pretending to be writing a whole lot more than I’m actually writing.
Speaking of writing, I've written to you for about a year now. I've decided it might be time to take a step back. It's bandwidth and stress problems. But it's also the fact that it seems like I've done my bit and achieved a lot of the stuff I set out to achieve when I started writing to you. I am however thinking about keeping it and using it to share my story excerpts and nothing more. If you have thoughts, share with me. Importantly, I’m not abandoning you and so, whatever I decide, I'd certainly let you know.
Finally, we set up something at Zikoko. Coronafacts.africa - it’s a great resource for contextualizing what’s going on in the world in terms of Covid-19, specifically with reference to being Nigerian and African. You should check it out. When you’re done checking it out, check out my story for Minority Africa on the importance of safe spaces for women to party and socialise. It’s my first ever feature story and I enjoyed writing and editing it.
Have a great weekend, remember, healthy doses of social media and lots of rest.
Love, Ops.