Telling It Slant
Hello, Friend,
Disclaimer: This letter will have lots of thoughts.
I like old people. Sometimes, I love them. It’s perhaps because I’m generally in awe of surviving life — all the stories one must have when this happens. It’s why I like the fine lines column on long reads, or watching Grace and Frankie on Netflix. Grace and Frankie is the show that made me aware of ageism. (And in the age of isms, what does ageism mean?) Ageism was coined by Robert Neil Butler in 1969, and was largely used to describe discrimination against old people patterned on sexism and racism.
Now, it’s a term used to describe stereotyping and discrimination across all ages. In Nigeria’s context for example, the Not Too Young To Run campaign is implicitly a response to discriminatory beliefs about young people running for office—ageism. And have you heard that banks have an age limit set at 26 for graduate trainees? I’ve also taken an interest in ageism as it affects old people; they suffer from social marginalisation and loneliness. It’s hardly selfish; I don’t want to live too old, but I care in a helpless type of way. What should I do?
On no: In the first half of this year, I was taking more freelance work than I could handle. I did this while trying to write, read, manage a social life and self-improve. It was a lot. A few weeks before I got my new job, a client whose children’s book I had edited came back to renew her contract for a second children’s book. The money was good — and that’s usually enough for me. But I said no. When she asked why I couldn’t take it up, I told her I’d gotten a new job with more responsibilities. Here’s the thing: I didn’t have a new job. She was a tedious client, I was edging on being burnt out with other projects. I just had to say no, and unfortunately, lie as well.
Recently, I came across a tweet on saying no without needing to offer an explanation. It was with reference to social events, but it can be extrapolated. Saying no is a real struggle. It falls under a collection of things that need to be taught? — “How to Say No”, “The Art of Saying No” etc. That’s why when I saw that tweet, I immediately agreed. I'm going to embrace it and start saying no without thinking up an excuse or lie; for one, no matter what excuse you offer, people who are determined to get you to say yes can come up with a way to invalidate it.
Fu’ad calls me agony aunt/therapist. Which is ironic because I never know the right things to say when people open up to me. Truth is, people do not know how to respond to mental health issues, including me. I'm trying to be better. The first step is understanding: understanding that what they feel is real, it’s as bad as physical illness, and is not a spiritual attack or something you can just pray away.
Back to truth or lies. On my commute from work yesterday, I thought about the phrase “Telling it Slant” — it’s kind of like the way I write these letters in a round-around format. I think it’s a storytelling technique, but I don’t know where I heard it from. So I googled Emily Dickson’s poem “Tell All The Truth, But Tell it Slant” in which she explains that the surprising quality of truth, is too overpowering for people’s weak perceptions, so we should circle around it. There might be something here; T.S. Eliot did say that humans can’t bare a lot of reality. We like to talk about how we can handle the truth, but go ahead to throw tantrums when faced with it. What do you think?
Ope’s Reads.
Let’s start with this essay on the Cut. Akan said, “Sometimes nonfiction reads stranger than fiction,” and it’s not a lie. In that essay, a law professor at Harvard who teaches a class on judgment cannot read the simple signs of deception. Wild, right? My latest obsession is earworm videos. I like to think of a lot of things in terms of what I can gain from them; with Estelle Caswell's earworm videos, I stand to enjoy great storytelling, subtle humor, and get a deeper appreciation for music and its impact on our world. If you knew about these videos before and didn’t tell me, shame on you. I can’t tell you how much I needed to read the Crane Wife and how, in another life, almost over a year ago (more or less) I would/could have been that woman who felt I needed to contain my needs and demands, especially within the confines of a relationship. In another sad tale of how the world seeks to control women, Alexis Okeowo reported on a women’s basketball league in Somalia and recounts players’ efforts to continue participating in matches amid threats from extremists.
Women are reprimanded for being too fat and too skinny, for failing to report a sexual assault or for bringing attention to one. When money & power enter into the equation, women are chastised for being too dependent on men or for being like business men.
Remember that app we were all using to see what our older selves would look like? Should you be worried about it? Sure. But not necessarily more than any other app you let into your photo library. Or any other part of your phone. On Modern Love, a valid question is asked: At What Age Is Love Enthralling? 82? This octogenarian tries to answer and reflects on desire, sensuality and aging.
Fascinating thing this week was that moment when Asa and I bonded over music (while at the same time calling me by my nickname) — an event that will go down in history as life changing for one or both of us. Sad moment this week was the death of Precious Owolabi, a corps member serving with Channels TV. He was killed during a Shiites protest.
What’s something that bothered you this week? I have two: that my body can betray me when it wants (I had food poisoning on Monday) and that I’m still waking up in Nigeria. Come back next week and I’ll tell you about the wonderful things I learned in Zikoko in July.