Showing Up Is A Superpower
A seemingly wise person once said that showing up is some of the battle (or something like that) and (s)he wasn't wrong.
Hey, you!
Every time I use the exclamation mark, I feel rather inauthentic. It’s never felt quite on brand. Yet, I use it to present a version of myself that is constantly ecstatic, even when she feels like the entire world is a little too much.
That’s by the by. Or maybe it’s not. Maybe it IS connected to what I plan to write to you — for most of the week, I’ve felt rather off. Not without good reason. I finished Greanleaf on Saturday night and ever since, I’ve felt like nothing [else] will come close. You know what I mean? (Say YES). I’m quite skeptical about starting new TV shows, so it’s been hard finding something to replace Greanleaf with. Include this and the fact that I was emotionally invested in the lives of the Greanleaf’s and you probably can see why I was feeling a little off.
Okay, that’s not completely true. Other things happened and I realised how incredibly long the year has been. There have been many ‘goods’ and so many ‘bads’.
This made me wonder just how I’ve managed to show up on most days and keep managing to. At some point this week, I kept thinking up a scenario where I wake up in the morning and decide to say goodbye to my job and career. I wouldn’t owe anyone any real explanation. I mean, I might have to explain to my parents, some friends and the lover, but it’s different as I don’t owe them the direct duty of care that I may owe a dependent or that I owe myself.
Then I realised that even though I don’t have any children, the only reason I still show up is that I actually ‘like’ myself; I know what the consequences of folding and bending under the weight of pandemic anxiety would do to other parts of my physical, mental and financial health.
To put this in context, when I show up, it means that I’m sacrificing sleep to write a few lines of that novel that might still end up rejected a thousand times, it means being the person to chase people for deliverables, even when I don’t feel like doing anything, it means responding to texts, checking up on the parents, preparing dinner instead of snacking on biscuits, writing this letter to you even when I’m not motivated to. All these things — as mundane they might have seemed two months ago — are difficult as hell. Showing up every day is a task during a pandemic and financial crisis.
I guess what I’m saying is, the fact that you show up every day in the small and big ways, means that you deserve some credit. This ‘new normal’ is hard and will take some getting used to. If anything, you don’t need the pain of self-abasement in that process. If this sounds like I’m convincing myself, it’s because I am. You should too.
Ope’s reads.
You must have seen the theories early on in the year that Covid-19 is a plot to hurt Donald Trump’s chances of reelection — amongst other rumours and conspiracy theories. Conspiracy theories have pretty much existed from before you and I even existed. That’s why I found this The Atlantic project ‘Shadowland’ fantasic and interesting. It basically looks at a timeline of conspiracy theories right from the rumor that helped spark the American Revolution.
While I think burnout goes without saying, here are tips on how to avoid it during a pandemic.
Here’s an in-depth profile about a hacker who saved the internet.
What’s it like to live in a place with zero cases of Covid-19? I’d have been able to answer that three months ago, but right now? I can’t. There are people on this island called Naura who can answer that. (God when?)
Current obsession? Rabbit hole a podcast about the internet. You’ll love it.
See you next Thoughts Day!