On Breaking And Building Habits
A few words on all the things I thought about this week from work to time to habit building.
Hello, you,
It's the 23rd of January, and I have mixed feelings about the speed with which the month is moving. It's slow, then it's fast and everything is happening all at once. This week was one of the fast ones. I'd imagined that since the first half of January was fast, the second half would be slow down and pale in comparison. Lol. (I’ll come back to this newsletter in six to seven months. Remind me.)
What did I think about this week?
Mostly work-related things. We started appraisals at work. I think it's a very useful exercise that every organisation should organise. Even as individuals, regularly doing this just gives you better insight. Tobi and I appraise ourselves regularly in the same manner: for feedback and looking beyond.
Habits.
Lmao. I've been grossly unsuccessful in breaking my ‘sugar’ habit. Granted, there has been a significant reduction, but even at that, breaking a habit or cultivating a new habit is difficult. I was a little hard on myself about it last week, even declaring that my year was off to a bad start, just because. Then I saw this tweet and realised how important it is to keep trying. Habits are hard to break, you'll make mistakes, you'll fall into temptation, but staying committed means you'll hack it eventually. I had this class teacher in Dowen who would always say at the start of a new day: “Today is another day.”
Should I Trust ‘The Process’?.
I started writing a story about a guy who 'sex called' women. The story didn't work out the hundred and six times I tried to write it, but having written a superb beginning, I was determined not to dump it. I decided to use the freewriting technique where I wrote continuously for hours at night without worrying about language or plot. Largely I did this for instant gratification; I wanted to be able to say I wrote X stories in January or submitted X stories in January, etc.
It turned out to be crap. I had wasted hours of sleep trying to end a story whose only merit was that it had a great beginning. After going through my typical, ‘I'm such a bad writer’ motions, I did something I've never really done before: ask people to read the first half and fill a form telling me what they want to happen in the end. The responses have been immensely useful. I used two similar ones to complete the story, taking my time to write and rewrite and I’m still not done.
This experience and the whole thing with Tyler Perry made me wonder just how much of my writing process I can trust. Tyler Perry is a whole other level (PSA, I oddly enjoyed A Fall From Grace — doesn’t mean there are no flaws). But I think the problem is his refusal to let others enter that process and critique it, or give feedback, or even just work with him on it before all else.
On Time.
I first realised my time would never really belong to me in a capitalist world in January 2018 when I started my first full-time employment post-law school. Which is all well and good because woman must chop and make something of herself. But it's also important to me to make something of myself outside of work. This January, I've decided that in 2020, I'd be a better fiction writer, write more essays, become a better cook (actually learn new dishes), take more than cursory interest (and actively learn) in things like interior decoration, event management — and maybe eventually buy and renovate a rundown building. We're allowed to dream right?
But where's the time? Living in Lagos already means that half your time belongs to traffic. I read this brain pickings article that explained that last last, we'll have to make the time, to find it in between the big things and small things of the day. Make time to learn that new skill, read that book, watch that tutorial, etc. The world is mad and time moves fast, so we have no choice but to make time, balance everything and stay organised.
Speaking of the madhouse that's Lagos:
It's sad and inhumane and outrageous that the people of Tarkwa Bay were sent away from the place they call home and that was that. The same thing with Okadas being banned in Lagos. What actually gives?
What did I read this week?
On the difficulty of finding a local church in Nigeria when you're queer. Boredom teaches us that life is not an amusement park. Normalise boredom. We often say that we didn't ask to be born, but as we're here, the least we can do is maximise our existence; a poem by Mary Oliver who died a year ago last week. On altruism and why this woman donated her eggs. On caring for your parents when they're old. It's been said that they become babies, and it's not far from the truth. “He that loves reading, has everything thing within his reach. He has but to desire, and he may possess himself of every species of wisdom to judge, and power to perform.” Read more here. Is this letter to you even complete with a reference to the royal family? Mostly on how misogyny is evil, but still.
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