I Am Something, I Last Forever, What Am I?
I'm going to wax philosophical in this letter. Sit tight and don't get bored!
Nothing lasts forever is the title of one of my favourite Sidney Sheldon novels. I read Nothing Lasts Forever as a 12-year-old and later as a 16-year-old. I remember nothing about it, except that I took the title quite literally At 12, I was in a faux philosophical place, wondering why life even existed; Nothing Lasts Forever, made me think. It was easy to conclude that all life ends eventually, the earth will be destroyed one day etc., but there's more. (Maroon Five has a song!)
Being temporary doesn’t make something matter any less, because the point isn’t for how long, the point is that it happened.
Middle of this year, I quit a job I loved, for the beginning of a “new adventure”. If I'm being honest, I was (am) just chasing the bag. This chase influences my choices most times — abeg, I wasn't born to suffer, don't judge me. It's been more than three months since I made the decision to move. Now and then, I ask myself if I made the right decision.
Our generation is so volatile. We're creating the path as we go; it's not as linear anymore. - Oshomah, 2019.
Before they retired, my parents worked in one company (two different companies) for 30 years. It was different roles and scaling up the ladder (or shattering glass ceilings). I have a few aunties and family friends who did this, e.g working in civil service their entire life. In a sense, stability. Not exactly a bad thing. With us (our generation, millennials if you must — aka the job-hopping generation) it's slightly different: Also not a bad thing. Both have pros and cons.
In my short period of existence, I've had a few love affairs. Some of which I knew from the onset had no clearly defined path i.e they were going nowhere. Still I hoped. When they ended, I was hurt and annoyed. Towards the end of 2017, I banned relationship look-alikes to work on self (as cliche as this might sound. Conversation for another day.) One of the many things I learned in this period was that some things — no, a lot of things — exist only for a time: friendships, feelings, jobs, personal effects, marriages, love affairs, jobs again, places, technology etc. It's not just about the evolution of things, or how things change; it's about how we're supposed to enjoy things in the moment they exist and worry less about their existence in the future.
I remember having this conversation with Tobi and Amaka, and then later with Lade, Ruth and Precious, of how “breakups” were springing up left, right and center, and how it hurt to see people in relationships I looked up to, split up. But can't that be the essence of life? Longevity and stability are nice and fun, but there's also beauty in the temporal, ever-shifting nature of things, and the sooner we accept that, the easier it’ll be to process loss. The trick is to live in the present, to experience things with mindfulness. In the end, nothing is guaranteed.
Ope’s reads.
On Wednesday, Mary Oliver who I loved so much would’ve turned 84. Listen to her poem, “the Fourth Sign of the Zodiac” and her On Being conversation where she discussed the life behind her writing. Whew, 2019 really took some of my faves. Read this CNF about a woman crushed by an 18-wheeler, but doesn’t hate or regret anything about the day, because the accident changed her outlook on life. Now she delights in every moment of life, because she knows they are nothing but gifts.
Everytime I learn something new about the loml, or even my sisters who I’ve known all my life, I realise the beauty of not knowing everything about anyone. Each day comes with the possibility of new discoveries, and that can be refreshing. Read this article about the unfair promise of loss implicit to every possibility of love — essentially a summary of what I’ve been shouting about since morning. Mary Oliver again on what attention really means. I didn’t mean to make this letter all about love, in a sense, it seems like it is, but I mean, love makes the world go round? No? Anyway, read this article on how love is an ongoing practice. On giving yourself permission to fail (I think I’m becoming an advocate for this) and the adventures of dating while Christian (insert while being religious/belonging to any faith/having a particular genotype.)
Here’s a beautiful ode to friendship: “I like you because you know I’m ticklish, and you don’t tickle me there, except just a little tiny bit sometimes.” The Myth of Making It and the Strategies that Drive the Marvel Movies, are top recommendations. Why is writing so hard, when tweeting is so easy?
That's all folks! Till the next Thought's Day.