Issue 2: Are You Lying Or Are You Not Telling The Truth?
In this second letter, I review Bassey Ikpi's essay collection, talk about my grandmother's mental health struggle and spotlight an incredible writer. Find out who.
This is one of many quotes from Bassey Ikpi’s debut, I’m Telling The Truth But I’m Lying. A paradox: What does it mean to tell the truth but lie in one breath? You’ll find the answer in phrases like “the lie I tell the most is that I'm OK”. An act of survival. Aren’t we all guilty of this? Lying in order to protect ourselves. Lying to survive hard truths.
But that’s not all, the title encompasses.
Let’s start from the top: During my break from writing to you, I read just one book: I’m Telling The Truth But I’m Lying. I didn’t realise why it was taking so long until I was almost done: the book overwhelmed me.
I’m Telling The Truth But I’m Lying is delicate, fragile and complex. It seamlessly weaves personal stories that revolve around memory, mental illness and the complexity of human relationships. In the book we find out that something is not quite right with the author. She’s sad, she’s broody and she thinks it’s her fault that the U.S. space shuttle of 1986 blew up in the sky. Along the way, we find out her diagnosis — Bipolar II disorder — and more about her memory lapses: how her mind hides events to protect her. This protection means that she has to pull at straws to show us facts; it means that that she’s unsure whether the space shuttle blew up in 1984 or 1986.
You’ll find this uncertainty throughout the book: uncertainty as to venue, uncertainty as to facts, the unreliability of memory. Which reminds me that memory is a luxury, a privilege.
While Ikpi’s book was overwhelming for me, it also provided subtle encouragement. Where one phrase went “Opening my eyes every morning is a disappointment” another went “Allow yourself morning.”
Rating: 8/10
Decision: Recommended if you have the strength. If you are not in a good place emotionally, it might not be a good read for you.
Thought’s Day
A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with my partner about mental health. I was curious: why do we find it easy to go to the hospital for physical health issues, but find it hard to seek help for mental health issues? My grandmother was mentally ill for most of the time that I knew her, which was 16 years. She saw and spoke to people/things that weren’t there. She told beautiful stories, most of which were imagined events painted as reality. She did have completely lucid moments when she sang hymns and bragged about her lovely voice. No day goes without me thinking about her, wondering if more could have been done for her while she was alive. If we had managed to look past the stigma and past the ‘who is doing her’ to seek professional help, then maybe….
But that’s just a maybe. I was thinking about her and our collective experiences when I wrote ‘Women Who Bleed Colours’ two years ago. And that’s why it was comforting to read Bassey’s book. There aren’t as many personal accounts of mental health struggles (as books) from these parts. The more we speak about it and tell our stories, the easier it is to seek for help and eliminate the stigma.
Thursday Tip: On being patient.
We often imagine that our problems are the biggest and our realities the most important. We consider ourselves before others, which is generally a good thing. However, when you’re a manager, there are times (a lot of times) that you must place others before yourself.
This week, during Big Cabal’s editorial workshop — a series of weekly events where teams learn new skills vital to their growth and to the success of the company — I (and Victor, managing editor of TechCabal) hosted a session on what it means to be a managing editor.
When asked what skills the role needed, I mentioned ‘patience’ as the first thing. It’s a skill [virtue] people rarely talk about, but is needed because people in that role interface with several teams: editorial teams, the BizDev team (clients) and the growth team. You’ll need patience when working on projects because projects often require several phases of iteration. You’ll answer seemingly foolish questions a ton of times and repeat the same thing several times. But you can’t not be patient.
However (as a disclaimer of sorts), this patience shouldn’t be confused with laziness or an excuse for not delivering projects on time. As a managing editor or a product/project manager, you have to be on your toes every day. It’s a balance between patience and being persistent enough to ensure that your team is delivering, that work is being done consistently and that generally, there’s constant innovation and experimentation on the team.
Spotlight
In our ‘Spotlight’ section this week, you’ll meet Innocent Chizaram Ilo, an award-winning writer. Innocent’s work interrogates gender, class, politics and sexuality. Innocent’s story, ‘When a Woman Renounces Motherhood’ won the 2020 Commonwealth Writers Short Story Prize for the African region. One might be forced to think this an overnight success, that’s false. In this interview, you’ll find out how many times Innocent has submitted to this prize in the past. We spoke about this and more.
Ope: How did you feel when you learned that you were the regional winner?
Innocent Ilo: It was thrilling for me at first. I read the email so many times because I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. Then I took my bath and went outside to buy cocoa puffs to celebrate myself. I have always wanted to win the Commonwealth Short Story Prize after I read Jennifer's overall winning story ‘Let's Tell This Story Properly’. It was a long shot then. I was a really bad writer and was not even eligible to enter for the prize because of my age. So, it's a dream-come-true moment for me. It's my fourth time entering for the prize.
Ope: Wow and you were not demotivated this year?
Innocent Ilo: Like a yearly ritual, I always say, ‘Innocent, you must submit for this year's prize o.’ A friend sent his entry for me to beta-read and asked if he should enter. I told him to go for it. Days later, I decided to take my own advice and went for it.
Ope: What lessons did you learn in submitting and not winning till now?
Ope: Where did the story ‘When a Woman Renounces Motherhood’ come from?
Innocent llo: I think it's because of how the stories of the women in my life echo around me. When I started writing fiction, I wanted to write about them. So this is basically their story mirroring something close to their lived experiences.
Ope: You can rewrite one novel of critical acclaim. Which novel are you rewriting?
Innocent Ilo: Things Fall Apart. I find Unoka, Okonkwo's father intriguing. I want to weave a whole narrative about him growing as ‘effeminate’, something that doesn't fit into the mold of a ‘real man’ in the Igbo community.
Ope: What's next for you?
Innocent Ilo: I'm working on a collection of short stories and getting bullied by my friends into completing my novel. Beyond these two things, I'm doing a lot of dreaming, eating, dancing (which I am terrible at), and sleeping.
We’re rooting for Innocent!
Catching up with Ope
This week was very busy, but I’m going on a leave next week! Yay. Tolu Daniel and I also published a creative writing handbook. You can buy that here. It was a really exciting process. I’ll also be hosting a couple of workshops this weekend and I’m looking forward to that.
In other reads, I’ve been reading Giovanni’s room by James Baldwin. I also really enjoyed this short story ‘The Year Of The Sun’ and will be spotlighting the author, Esther Ifesinachi Okonkwo, next week, so you should definitely read it. I also have a story out on Masters Review. It’s about the expiration of grief and closure. Read it and weep(?). Also shout out to Akachi. Happy birthday, I love you.
Till the next what? Thoughts DAY.