Are There Selfless Good Deeds?
Hey you,
I finished today's letter a few days ago and started to feel like I had overshared a lot in it. It's essentially about my relationship life, the importance of being friends with your partner, etc. I'd probably still send it; perhaps next week. It borrows from Anna Karenina's love affair too.
This week had me thinking about a lot: the anxiety I have from managing people, the choices I made this year and the changes that have occurred. Importantly, what do I want in the next two months? Gratefully, I have some clarity about what I want and what I don't want, and steps have been taken and are being taken. I'll have news in November. Amen?
I also thought about the possibility of a selfless good deed. And I've probably had this conversation with friends one too many times. Think of the publicity that people like when they do good things, how it makes them feel etc. I caught myself eager to buy someone a gift this week, because she'd tweet about it and I'd feel good, not just at her gratitude but at the knowledge that other people had seen that I was a kind, thoughtful person. Lmao. I'm cringing at this acknowledgement. But it's true, I've done it in the past. And I call it my love language — the giving of gifts. Now I'm not sure how problematic it is — and as you know, these letters do not parade themselves as having answers (shout-out to all the wonderful people who wrote back last week with insightful comments on cancel culture) — but I do realise it can be a good problem: feed a thousand people, but look good for the camera while doing it, etc. There are many directions it can take, including the bad. But the question is, are there selfless good deeds?
Where's this coming from?
Friends, The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS.
Phoebe hates PBS because it reminds her of her mother's suicide. She complains that Joey's telethon is selfishness masquerading as a good deed. He retorts that having her brother's babies (long story if you haven't watched Friends) wasn't actually a selfless good deed since she felt good about it afterwards. He insists that selfless good deeds don't exist, so she promises to prove they do. She tries several times but catches herself enjoying the pleasure her good deeds bring her every single time. She eventually decides to donate $200 to PBS, because "they bring happiness to lots of kids whose moms didn't kill themselves." It seems like a win since she actually hates PBS, BUT… this donation (which is the biggest they receive on the telethon) leads to Joey being on TV, and this makes Phoebe happy until she realises she feels good that she's the reason he's on TV and so, not a selfless good deed. Yikes.
So, can there be selfless good deeds? Looking to read real examples from you. And when are selfish good deeds completely bad even?
This week was a good week! Lots of rain that made Lagos irritating to live in, but we move. I'm suddenly gassed about 2020. I'm gassed about love and living and etc. Lmao. Sending some of this excitement your way. Have you seen Mokalik? I enjoyed it and love Obama from it so much. You should see it too. Tomorrow is Asa Day so I'm pretty excited.
Talk soon. ♥️♥️💓