A Fine Balance In A Turbulent Week
Hello, you!
How are the last few weeks of the year wearing you down or lifting you up? For the past few days, I haven’t thought of how long we have left in November or even realised we’re now tilting towards the end of the month; I’ve lumped December and November into one big ass month. I’m sure you have a sense of this from my previous letters to you.
For all intents and purposes, my week starts on Fridays and ends on Thursdays. I've had an interesting week. On Saturday, we (Zikoko) published the first in a series of Sex Life stories. If you have thoughts, concerns, feedback or would like to contribute, do it here.
On Sunday, I had a three hour conversation unearthing my mother’s history, my history. I don’t even remember how it started, but once it started, it cascaded and there was no end. For example, I never thought that my mother had grandparents (of course everyone has grandparents, alive or dead, but it just never clicked). Turns out she did; the famous one was Iya Eleran. I imagined that she commanded a battalion of meat sellers, but that's only in my imagination. There's also my grandfather, my mother’s father who remains a mystery because I never met him. He died in 1986, in the month my mother started to work at Union Bank. My grandfather would drop my mother off at work in Marina before going to his workshop in Obalende where he was a mechanic. Everyone says he was a nice man. I believe them, because they call my mum Margaret Thatcher and it's not in a nice way. Then there's the case of my mother's step sibling, her only brother who disappeared into obscurity. No one knows where he is today. It's the first I'm hearing of him.
That was Sunday afternoon for me. I haven't had enough time to process all that information, but I feel like my life has changed. Would this be fascinating to you? Or is this an Ope-romanticising thing?
In the evening, I went for a party and saw someone who sexually assaulted me over a year ago. I got angry and left within a short time. I don’t know if there’s a straight line between seeing that person and falling ill on Monday, and finding myself in the hospital. I hate hospitals. I typically manage my illnesses or buy over the counter drugs, but adulthood has caught up with me. On Tuesday, I was too ill to go to work, so I tried to work on some of my tasks remotely. I’m not 100% now, but I’m better and grateful for life.
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The first half of the year was exciting. I won a prize, was in a fellowship, published a few good stories and was generally energetic. The second half slowed and occasionally, as I did on Tuesday morning, I thought to myself, an acceptance letter for something I didn’t submit for would be good right now. Then this happened. I remember a few months ago, Ruka sent a text about the prize, asking that I get my friends, foes and family to nominate me and I was like, you know what, true, I will. But did I do anything about it? NOPE.
But I’m not shocked that this story got nominated, it was a good story and it had a lot of buzz when it was published (hopefully all on merit). Something I realised this year about writing good stories — and this might sound simple, and perhaps it is, but not for me — is imagining your characters as real people. Hakeem and Isaac (who was initially John) are the realest characters I ever created, even more than Arin, because I modelled them, from physical appearances to flaws and personality traits, after real people. If you’re reading this, I love you.
Around 2 am this morning, I woke up to write while it rained and I wrote and I wrote until I was content, and that made me super proud. I haven’t done this in forever — write at a stretch. Later on, I went to the Ikoyi Registry to watch my faves get married and it was just the most beautiful thing ever.
Easy to tell I’ve had an up and down week. Crazy because in my head, once a week is bad, it’s bad. No in betweens, nothing can save it. I guess that’s what I learned this week, that sometimes, a lot of times, there’s a fine balance in the ugliness and beauty of the world.
PSA: In a bad week, or in a good week, one of the things I look forward to is writing this letter to you and knowing that you’ll open it and think of me or write back to me. That makes me smile. Thank you.
If you'll read anything I share with you this weekend, then let this be that thing.
What did you do this week?